As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
