I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
