Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
