the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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