im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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