The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
