I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't deserve a penis
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
