At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
