with your own penis?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
