sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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