Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
