Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
