I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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