at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
