just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
