And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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