I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
