and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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