Only a mothe r could love this liver
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize