Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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