Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
