You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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