He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
