YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
