Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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