He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
