Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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