Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
