My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
