Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
