i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
