is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
