every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
