dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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