I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
