dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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