There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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