Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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