i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
