So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
