i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
