You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
