i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
