Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
