guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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