Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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