we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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