is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
