You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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