My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
