Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
