I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
