What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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