Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize