It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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