if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
