I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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