May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You took a bar mat shot.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
