I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
