I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
