Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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