walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
