Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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