Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
