she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
