whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize