I think I just saw someone hide a body.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
