I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have already put on my inside pants.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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