My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
