Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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