i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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