Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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