You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
