your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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