i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
