There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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